About a year ago I became acquainted with Jodi R.R. Smith, the founder of Mannersmith.
Jodi consults with individuals and corporations on etiquette issues and
has started to generate a lot of (much deserved) attention. Jodi wrote a book for women on modern manners as well which she was kind enough to send me. She has also written a book on manners for men. I would advise everyone to read her books.
Jodi
has a montly newsletter that I subscribe to and she always covers
interesting etiquette issues. I have copied her most recent newsletter
into this blog so you can read it. If you are interested in etiquette I
would encourage you to sign up for her newsletter and check out the
Mannersmith website. It never hurts to learn more about manners!
Culinary Conundrums
Mannersmith Newsletter 70 / March 2007
Years
ago, when Mannersmith was in its infancy, I was invited to dinner by a
woman who was very interested in my business. She chose a lovely
restaurant and I eagerly anticipated the interaction. During our first
course, she enthusiastically shared her love of etiquette as well as a
laundry list of her pet peeves. I still remember the meal so clearly.
As she listed off rude behaviors, she punctuated her conversation by
picking up pieces of lettuce from her salad and shoving them into her
mouth. At first, I thought she was pulling my leg. But it quickly
became evident this was how she preferred to eat her salad, sticky
fingers and all. I was grateful she chewed with her mouth shut! That
dinner taught me two things: First, that just as in the field of
ethics, in etiquette we judge ourselves by our best intentions and
others by their last worst act. And second, that well-educated,
successful individuals think they have a better understand of dining
skills than they actually do.
Here is a quick quiz, true or false, regarding gracious dining:
1. _____ There is a great etiquette debate as to when to place your napkin on your lap.
2. _____ The symmetry of dining only extends to the place settings.
3. _____ How the fork and knife are positioned sends silent signals to the wait staff.
4. _____ Other cultures wonder why Americans have our hands in our laps.
5. _____ Polite people pay the bill at the table at the end of the meal.
How did you do?
1.
True, there is a great etiquette debate regarding your napkin. There
are some consultants who recommend taking your napkin and placing it on
your lap as soon as you arrive at the table. The more modern approach
is to wait until everyone is seated before removing your napkin.
Waiting allows the table to remain untouched and elegant until all have
arrived. Additionally, should you need to rise as others join the
table, you need not worry about your napkin falling from your lap to
the floor or grasping your unfolded napkin in your hand like a child's
security blanket.
2. False, the symmetry of dining has many
corollaries, including place settings and ordering. The symmetry of
dining states that when looking at the table, everyone's place settings
have the same dining implements in the same location. (Another reason
to wait before taking your napkin!) This not only looks better, but it
allows you, your fellow diners and the wait staff to know what belongs
to each person. This means you are not allowed to take your bread plate
and move it closer to you in between courses! To keep the symmetry you
should also order the same number of courses and same number of drinks
as your fellow diners. Please note, this does not require you to match
anyone's alcohol intake. You must order a drink, however, and a soft
drink is perfectly acceptable.
3. True, where you place your
fork and knife signals the wait staff as to where you are in the meal.
Remembering that once a utensil touches food it is never to touch the
tablecloth again means you need to know where to put your fork and
knife. Imagine your plate is the face of a clock. An inverted "v," with
the fork on the left - tines near the 12 and handle at the 8 - and the
knife on the right - blade near the 12 and the handle at the 4 ,
indicates you are still eating. Whereas the fork and knife parallel on
the right of your plate indicates that you are finished.
4.
True, in America, we are taught that while at the table, when we are
not eating, our hands belong in our laps. Just about everywhere else in
the world, they wonder what we are doing down there. Across cultures,
humans become very wary when we can not see someone else's hands. Even
if you are not about to embark upon a world-wide vacation tomorrow, do
practice resting your wrists on the table's edge so that your hands
remain in sight.
5. False, the most uncomfortable portion of a
meal is when the bill is presented to the table. When you are having a
casual bite with friends, there really is no need for concern. If you
are entertaining for business or hosting a formal social event, you
should arrange with the staff to pay the bill after your guests have
gone. This allows a smooth transition at the end of the meal and
completely avoids the uncomfortable moment when guests wonder if they
should be offering up the credit cards or cash to help you cover costs.
Are
you a dining skills star? Remember, etiquette evolves. As for my
friendly salad snacker, she did not ask me to critique her dining, so I
refrained. But her behavior, years later, long after the substance of
the conversation has been lost, still lingers.
Perhaps there is
a faux pas or two lurking in your dining that could use some polish and
refinement. If it has been a while since you thought about how you ate,
you are invited to join me for a refresher.
Modern Manners at the Historic Hawthorne Hotel
¤ ¤ ¤
Mannersmith
Monthly is a newsletter dedicated to timely etiquette topics. Copyright
© 1996-2007 Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. All rights reserved.
Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter
as long as this copyright and full information about contacting the
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